Letter to the London Olympic Committee

Dear London 2012 Olympic Committee,

It is obvious from the Beijing Opening Games that the gauntlet has been thrown down and you are screwed, unless you do a "sun never sets on the British Empire" theme and steal other country's heritages. Thus, I have some suggestions for your opening games.

1. Dancing Stonehenge. Ala Dr. Who and the Stones of Blood, I'm thinking some human sized sponge-like creatures who throb with an inner red pulse and, well, dance.

2. Copious beer drinking and pub songs. Lucky you have some Irish and Scottish claim, for they have some great drinking songs! One whole program can be inspired from Robert Burns' John Barleycorn poem. Dancing sheaves of wheat? Go for it! I've done an interpretive dance for far less.

3. Go Green. It's all the rage, and it means you can scale things down, way down, and then say "it's for the environment!" Who can possibly criticize that?

Good luck, London! I'll keep you updated if any other brilliant ideas hit me! A "thank you" is all I ask. And a nominal fee. In Olympic terms.

Love,
Emily

P.S. - To Russia,
Next year, don't steal Hungary's dresses to make shirts out of and perform The Music Man in. Not really Opening Ceremony appropriate.